Xian Yu answered the reader's question: When can I be as good as you?

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Recently, I launched the "Xian Yu Answers Reader's Questions" activity. If you have any questions you want to ask, please leave a message and I will answer them in order.

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First of all, thank you very much for your affirmation, but the word "excellent" makes me feel ashamed. In my opinion, I have not done anything great, but I have shared what I have learned along the way. That's it, quoting Mr. Ruan Yifeng's previous Weibo post:

I also often feel that I am just a stepping stone and make some small contributions to the community within my ability.

So although I can't answer the question "how to become good", but based on my past experience, I can talk about how to change myself quickly.

To be able to participate in this topic so early, I must be a classmate in my group, then I actually gave the answer a long time ago. On February 7th, when the construction started this year, I specially wrote our group's 2022 plan in the group:

I often tell you five things that change your life quickly, namely "getting up early", "reading", "exercising", "writing", and "meditation" . You must have discovered that, in fact, we are constantly implementing these five things. thing. The growth of technology is by no means overnight, and it is necessary to be prepared for long-term learning, and in this process, good habits will help us to progress faster, but in addition to progress, I hope everyone can learn more about these things. Participate in gaining more confidence, more confidence, and more positive attitude towards life. In my opinion, this is more important than the technical problem itself.

I won’t say much about the specific meaning of these five things. The five things come from Zhou Ling’s book “Cognitive Awakening”, which can be read for free on WeChat reading. Today I want to talk about other things, the first one It's about believing.

When I was in college, I had read at least a dozen books on the issue of "procrastination". Every time I read these books in the library, I remembered a lot of notes. A good plan, practice the method in the book, do not delay, change yourself, but in the end it ends in failure.

Years later, when I look back on this experience, I suddenly thought, isn't the technology we do the same as the reference books we have read? They provide methods, as if you can succeed as long as you do it, but the methods and methods I failed in practice, and I couldn't learn the technology... I always felt that something was missing to push me, and then I realized that rationality can allow us to design a result that maximizes our own interests, but if the heart is not true If you want to do this, you will end in failure, so the beginning of the change that can make you change is when you really start to think like this in your own heart, and you really start to believe.

However, it is not easy to make ourselves "believe". We are not obsessed with authority. We will find that the person who believes most is ourselves. We are ignorant about many things. Because you don't understand, you think others What you say is wrong, you think only you know best, you think this is not right, that is not right, I am right, but I can't say why I am right, in short, I am right, you are wrong anyway, everyone will I found that many people have such a way of learning, so even if I know it with love and reason, and write thousands of articles on the benefits of things, you have never done it yourself. I don't really believe this in my heart.

So what I want to say is that when you are thinking alone, you can let go of your confidence in yourself, let go of your fear of being assimilated, and believe in the experience summed up by countless predecessors in this world. If you think what others say is reasonable and reasonable According to the report, and I can't refute it for the time being, and I happen to be interested in this matter, it is better to believe that what they said is right, and then act with certainty. In the process of action, keep your own thinking, repeatedly verify the theory with actions, change if you feel uncomfortable, and finally generate your own thinking and understanding of this thing. Only at this time can your criticism be truly valuable.

The second is about the atmosphere. If you can't resolve the guard in your heart through active thinking, then maybe what you need is an atmosphere. It's like, if you want to stimulate a child's interest in learning guitar, the best way is not to let him go to a training class to learn guitar, but to take him to a concert, or take out his guitar and play a song in front of him, When you can see his adoring eyes, you know you did it successfully.

The same is true for our group’s morning check-in activity, and I have a deeper experience as the group owner. Since Xiaoqi started to check in early in the group, we have gradually developed the activity of asking for the morning check-in. I have statistics every week. , and written in the Yuque document, you can obviously find that only 6 people can check in more than 4 days a week at the earliest, and after 10 weeks, it has developed into about 50 people. After the morning list is officially established, the latest Take one week’s data as an example. There are 106 students who check in for more than four days a week, but we are only a front-end group of 499 (the last one is reserved), we are not an early riser group, no payment, no material rewards, If there is no punishment, why are so many students willing to participate in this activity? What I want to say is that this may be an influence of the atmosphere, a kind of infection, a kind of touch after seeing the efforts of others. So if you can't find a way to start, it's better to find an environment with atmosphere. You can walk fast by yourself, but with the encouragement of a group of friends, you can go further.

The third one is about goals and actions. We have read many books on goal management, and these books all tell us the importance of setting a good goal, so that everyone will have the habit of reading a lot of books first, and then setting one A detailed big plan, and finally implement it according to this plan. If you don’t do it, it means that you are not determined enough, so you fall into self-blame. Once you can’t do it, you can’t do it the second time. You will soon give up and sink. After a period of time, start the next cycle.

Yet the philosopher Zizek said that an event is something that goes beyond a cause. This provides another way to do things, that is, do it first, as long as things are tossed, the event will come out, and its results will definitely exceed his reasons. During the Chinese New Year, I gave an example of the red envelope cover in the group. At the time, I made the red envelope cover, and at first it was just to send a distinctive red envelope in the group. After various opinions from everyone, I have made several revisions. , In the end, the red envelope cover received more than 3,500 people, more than 2,000 people used our red envelope cover, and more than 30,000 people saw our cover, which was far beyond my initial thought. Therefore, for many things, you may not understand the interests, see the end, and plan poorly. It doesn't matter. Do it first, do it out of interest, and it will be clear as you do it. The important goal is often in What is clear in practice, rather than what is determined by thinking, will eventually lead to gains beyond the cause.

The fourth one is about methods. "Wake up early", "reading", "exercise", "writing", and "meditation" are the five methods of rapidly changing life mentioned in the book. What I want to say is that these methods It is also necessary to pay attention to methods. Many things do not rely on willpower. You can survive through gritted teeth. If you rely too much on willpower, you will only fail again and again.

If you want to quit smoking, it’s not because of the addiction that you can endure it. If you want to get up early, it can’t be solved by going to bed early the day before. Anxiety can’t be solved by diverting your attention. It can be solved, and the social skills are awesome. It can’t be solved by learning a few black skills. Things have their own causes, laws and solutions, but we always blindly believe in ourselves and our willpower. You can grit your teeth to solve the problem, but also blindly believe in your own ability, thinking that you can solve it by learning a few skills, but you are unwilling to spend time in-depth to learn the underlying rules, starting from the bottom, combining your own situation, groping and trying to solve, so that in the end The result is only failure. Of course, with regard to human behavior, the underlying laws are very large in content, but it is precisely because of its large, complex, and cumbersome content that the gap between people is created, and these are what you can do to others. Unwilling to do what an adult can't do.

Finally, I would like to share a sentence: the reason why you are tired is because of you: you only have constant self-blame in psychology, and there is no immediate change in action.” Summarize the experience of predecessors in this world and find a suitable atmosphere. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a clear plan, do it first, and learn how to do it in the process of doing it, which will make us do more with less.

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The full list of articles in the series of "Xian Yu Answers Readers' Questions": https://github.com/mqyqingfeng/Blog

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