Xian Yu answered a reader's question: Come quietly and give an answer

foreword

Recently, I launched the "Xian Yu Answers Reader's Questions" activity. If you have any questions you want to ask, please leave a message and I will answer them in order.

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Let's talk about "how to ask" this question.

To answer this question, I feel that I am a bit tricky, because I am not a person who is good at asking questions, so I will share a little bit of my opinion from my daily work and life.

There are many scenarios for asking questions, let’s talk about work first.

Our boss will often tell us one thing, and let us do it after a brief description. We may do it directly for various reasons without asking in detail. The final result is very different from what the boss wants. Back to work again.

This is because there is no clear way of thinking when taking things down, so that it does not match the boss's real thoughts. In order to avoid troubles such as rework, you should ask carefully at that time, but what should you ask specifically?

Here you can refer to the 6W model of domain scene analysis, that is, the process of describing the scene must include the six elements of Who, What, Why, Where, When and hoW .

So for one thing, you can ask:

1. Who is the user group for?
2. When when?
3. Where is the event happening?
4. What exactly does this matter contain?
5. Why do you want to do this interaction?
6. The idea of hoW content realization?

After aligning these contents with the boss, it will be somewhat clearer, and will not be smeared.

And if we are in the role of asking, at work, when we ask others, especially when investigating others, we should pay attention, ask less why, and ask more how.

For example, when a person's progress is not completed, you ask why?

"Why are you so behind?"

"Why didn't you follow the plan?"

Imagine if you were held accountable like this, your first reaction would definitely be to protect yourself and find a suitable reason for yourself, but is this reason really the reason?

We will answer the one that hurts us the least, not the real answer.

So instead of asking why, things have already happened, it is better to focus on how to remedy it, and ask how, for example, "what should we do next to catch up with the original progress?"

This approach can make the questioned less stress, turn guilt into power, and be more beneficial to the promotion of things.

Of course, if you're surrounded by a bunch of rotten people, just pretend I didn't say it.

Finally, let’s talk about the WeChat group scene, because in my WeChat group, students often ask questions. Here I will talk about some things I have seen and need to pay attention to when asking questions:

1. Before you ask, ask the search engine

Don't ask questions that can be solved by search engines, it's respect for other people's time.

2. Don't ask questions in the hottest group chat

When the group chat is the hottest, it is recommended not to initiate your own question, because although many people see your question at this time, everyone is still immersed in the current chat topic and often does not care about your question, but continues to chat instead. Soon your question drowns in the stream of information and goes unnoticed. This phenomenon is especially obvious when the average number of messages in our group on weekdays reaches 1500+.

If I had to advise, it's best to ask questions when the chatter is starting to drop, and it's all about feeling.

In the same way, don't suddenly insert a question when the group owner announces something. This is respect for others, and it is also to prevent your question from being washed out by the group owner's news.

3. Ask questions to provide sufficient background information

Don't ask directly, "Why can't xxx be used"? "What should I do if xxx can't run". Behind an appearance, there are thousands of reasons. It is possible that your computer is broken. Who knows what caused you.

If you really want to know the solution, at least explain the detailed background of the problem. As the questioner, you have a clear understanding of the context of the question, but others don’t. When others don’t understand your context, it’s easy to be confused about your question, and naturally they won’t help solve your problem.

If someone has a good attitude and asks you for specific contextual information, be sure to say thank you. This is really a kind of kindness, enthusiasm and character. But if you are someone else asking a little and you reply a little, this kind of toothpaste-squeezing reply will wear away the patience of others.

4. ask the right person

Some classmates asked me "how is the industry of so-and-so", "how is the company of so-and-so compared with the company of so-and-so", to be honest, no matter how powerful the bosses are, they don't know everything, and I myself am not in this industry, not in this How can the company provide you with effective advice?

Therefore, instead of asking this kind of question personally, it is better to ask it in a group. When there are many people, there may be people who have worked in this industry or company to provide advice. At this time, it is more accurate to add friends to chat privately.

And if you know classmates in the group who have experience in related issues, you can @ them directly.

In the book "Influence", I told about a common homicide in Queens, New York City:

For more than half an hour, the killer stalked a woman in Kew Gardens and attacked her three times, while 38 respected, law-abiding citizens of Queens ignored it.

On two occasions, their voices, the sudden lighting of their bedroom lights, interrupted the killer's attack, scaring him away. But both times he came back, followed her again, and stabbed her with a knife. During the tragedy, no one called the police until after the woman's death, when a witness called the police.

This case has triggered a very big discussion in society, and psychologists have explained this:

Bystanders are least likely to lend a hand in an emergency when there are a large number of other bystanders at the scene, for at least two reasons. The first reason is very simple. There are other people around who can help, and the responsibility of a single person is reduced. "Maybe other people will help or call, maybe everyone else has already done so." Because everyone Thinking that someone else will help (or someone else has already helped), but no one helps.

The second reason, which is more interesting from a psychological point of view, is based on the principle of social proof and involves the pluralistic ignorance effect. Many times, emergencies do not appear to be very urgent at first glance. Did the man who collapsed in the alley have a heart attack, or was he just drunk? Is the noise next door a violent fight that needs to be reported to the police, or is it just a couple quarreling, and it is unnecessary and inappropriate for outsiders to interfere? what is going on? In such uncertain situations, it is natural for people to make judgments based on the actions of others around them. We can tell if something is urgent or not based on how other witnesses react.

So if one day you need to call for help, my advice is to pick someone out of the crowd, stare at him, point directly at him and say, "You, the gentleman in the blue jacket, I need help. Please call an ambulance. Come." All the scientific evidence shows that as long as you do this, you should get quick, effective help.

The main purpose of this example is to popularize a survival skill for you. By the way, if you directly @ someone else, you may get a more effective reply, especially when you know that he has relevant experience.

5. Be polite

No one is obligated to answer your questions, so be polite.

6. Do not be sensitive

The most important thing to ask questions in a group is to be thick-skinned.

I have observed such a phenomenon in the group. If there is no feedback for the first question, the person often stops speaking and is finally cleared.

It is very common for a question to be unanswered. The maximum number of WeChat groups is 500. If your question belongs to a certain segment and is very detailed, it is likely that no one has encountered it, even if you have the heart to help you. , and do not know how to answer you.

The people who ask questions are often very hurt and think they are not valued. In fact, I have no good way to be a mature adult in this situation.

7. Compliments and Questions

"Xianyu, you insist on getting up early and exercising every day. It's really amazing. How did you do it?"

Although this question is not true, the truth is the same, and this kind of heart-warming question will make people more willing to answer.

8. help others solve problems

If you help others solve problems in the group, when you ask questions, there will naturally be many people willing to help you. When you show kindness to others, others will naturally return it. Those who give warmth will not feel cold.

9. don't ask me

Here's a screenshot of the signature of the big guy "This wave is going to fight back":

And my signature is:

We each have our own story...

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The full list of Xian Yu's answers to readers' questions: https://github.com/mqyqingfeng/Blog

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