Xian Yu answered the reader's question: How can you quickly adjust and get back on track when your life is at a low point?

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The first sentence of The Road Less Traveled:

life is hard

It can be said that the truth of life is revealed, but how many people can deeply understand this sentence, and when faced with suffering, they accept themselves with the phrase "life is full of hardships" and laugh at the future?

Recently, when I read Teacher Luo Xiang's "Circle of Justice", he comforted the students who had temporarily failed the examination and wrote:

Life is a combination of hope and disappointment. Disappointment is limited, but hope is infinite. Spring, summer, autumn and winter, the four seasons change, spring has the charm of spring, summer has the enthusiasm of summer, autumn has the abundance of autumn, winter has the solemnity of winter, everyone has their own season, each season has different characteristics, each has its own Each is wonderful, don't compare it with others, because the seasons are different. "Everything has a schedule, and everything in the world has a schedule." Everyone has their own script, play their own script well, and don't feel sorry for themselves or boast, so that they can live up to this life.

Yes, everyone has their own seasons, but now is not your season, but who can always be confident in their future? When the trough is low, people often think that this long winter is the years to come.

Some people encounter a trough and can bounce back from the bottom and move to a higher position, while some people will wander around in the trough and waste time. It is not so much a gap in ability, I think it is more a matter of belief. Differences: attitude towards suffering, persistence in self, reflection on life, certainty in the future, etc. In the end, when you come out, what you may need is just a change in belief, but before the change in belief, you often need the accumulation of time and thinking to trigger.

So in the face of the trough, don’t have unreasonable expectations, always feel that there is a noble person who will save you, and a major event will change you. , even if there are noble people to help you, you will be turned away by you. Even if there is an opportunity, you will be ignored. Tagore said: "If you lose the sun and cry, then you will also lose the stars."

And in this trough period, which can be long or short, I would suggest:

1. "Indulge" yourself and focus on life

The trough does not come for no reason, it is not so much a misery as it is a reminder. Like our anxiety, its objective purpose is to make us act on the future, like our stress, its objective purpose is to urge us to act, like our inferiority complex, its objective purpose is to make us move toward Better yourself to move forward, and the low point, its objective purpose is to tell you that "something" before is wrong, and you need to find it out.

So when you are at a low point, don't always think about changing yourself, get out of anxiety quickly, and then watch chicken soup beat chicken blood, keep cheering yourself up, and keep giving yourself psychological hints, "You can do it!", "You can do it!" If you really can, you won't fall into a trough...

The trough is to tell you that "something" is wrong. If you don't find the root cause of the error and solve it, and blindly beat yourself up, you are not solving the problem, you think the trough is not low enough, let yourself be lower, It's like falling into a swamp, the more you struggle, the deeper you sink.

We often push ourselves too hard without realizing it. We plan to learn this after get off work today, plan to learn that after get off work tomorrow, and plan to learn after the weekend. As for whether you actually study, it doesn’t really matter. Most people need it in their hearts. Yes, it may be a posture of learning. When studying, I half-stroke, and I don’t have the determination to implement the plan I made and the perseverance to persist for a long time. I spend every day in guilt or enrichment. How to improve your learning efficiency is a problem, but what I actually want to say is that life is actually a long time. Just like doing technology, growth is not overnight, but also to be prepared for long-term learning. Many times, it is not necessary to If you are too demanding of yourself, give yourself a clear time to "let go", and face some psychological and physical desires (don't think about it, such as food, rest, entertainment), it is better to "indulge" well.

To quote from the book "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience": "Pleasure is an important part of a high standard of living and helps maintain order in consciousness". If there is something you have always wanted to do, but always feel that you can "do it later", just do it, and promise yourself that you will only temporarily shift your focus to life.

We often see such bridges in movies. After the protagonist encounters setbacks, he indulges and degenerates for a period of time, and then encounters a turning point and begins to bottom out. But don't think that this period of indulgence and depravity is unnecessary. If there is no foreshadowing of this period, the turning point event will be triggered directly, and the effect of changing the protagonist may not be so great.

The same is true for our life. Life is very long. It is better to give up a small amount of time, such as a month. Without this indulgent time, you will not realize that indulgence is really happy...

Although it is said to be "indulgence", you must not be too indulgent. The "indulgence" here is more of a meaning of giving up, letting go of the psychological constraints on yourself, the efforts to try to control everything, and the constant self-blame. , where you fall, just lie down for a while, focus on life, enjoy life, and you will regain the courage to move forward.

2. Don't complain, don't be arrogant, don't boast

In times of slump, it's easy to blame others.

"If you could have done that then, it won't be like that now", seriously, you are an adult, why are you making such a poor excuse. Haven't you learned the principle of "the past cannot be remonstrated, and the come can still be pursued"? Have you ever thought that even if you did that at the time, you would still lead to today's results, because as the subject of your behavior, your thoughts and thinking have not changed, and even if you don't fall into this pit, you will fall into that pit. Giving yourself such an excuse can soothe your wounded heart, put the responsibility on other things, and escape from yourself. If I had done it then, I could have been very successful too.” The idea of living in fantasy.

Of course you may also think, "I am such a failure, I have so many shortcomings, what is the first, what is the second, and what is the third, no wonder I'm such a failure, I'm such a bad person" , Seriously, you are an adult, how can you still make such a poor excuse. You are a typical inferiority complex, but you do not have the courage to change through hard work, and you cannot accept such an "incompetent" self, so you compensate yourself with this cheap idea. First make an excuse for your own failure, "I failed because of these shortcomings", and then imply that you are actually very good, because this sentence is not like saying, "If I can overcome these shortcomings, I can do it too" ? Psychological hints that he is actually an excellent person, but affected by these shortcomings, the "real me" is actually very good.

Of course, you may also think like this, "I'm a great person, graduated from a famous school, work in a famous company, have a car and a house, financial freedom, Barabara", and then show off to others, seriously, you are an adult , how can you find such a poor excuse. You are so insecure and worthless in your heart that you look for these things to improve your own value, act as if you are excellent, and then immerse yourself in a false sense of superiority. I want to tell you that with the help of external values Those who come to elevate themselves live in the values and lives of others after all. If you truly have confidence, you will not be arrogant. Deliberately showing off your excellence is actually worrying that if you don't do that, you won't be recognized by your surroundings. This is another kind of inferiority.

In addition to these thoughts, be wary of yourself not to brag about your misfortune. We will meet this kind of person and tell our misfortune, but when others want to comfort or help them change, they will use "you can't understand my mood" to push away the help. In fact, what they really think is, "In this way, I am afraid that people around me will treat me with care." In this way, they can become more advantageous and "special" than others. Many people use this attitude to make themselves "special beings" when they're sick, hurt, broken up, and so on. Yet as long as one uses one's misfortune as a weapon to keep it "special", that person will always need misfortune.

If you feel like these thoughts hit your heart, then you should read the book "The Courage to Be Hated", these examples are actually excerpted from the book...

No matter what kind of thinking it is, I think it must be remembered that no matter what, don't hurt relatives and friends with words, some scars are irreparable.

3. Think about life, listen to your inner voice, and strengthen your beliefs

The trough may be the best time to think about life. When it is not the trough, you may not think about such problems, and thinking about such problems is very beneficial to our life. As mentioned earlier, it is not so much a gap in ability, I think it is more a gap in belief.

At this time, you might as well write your current views on many things in the form of articles, you can think about life, such as "the meaning of life", you can think about yourself, "what kind of person am I", "I am happiest doing those things"" I hate those things, what are the reasons behind them", you can think about work, "what I think about my current job", "what is my career plan", no matter what you write, don't just stop writing it, you must stop Ask yourself, "Why do I want to do this", "Why do I pursue this", treat yourself honestly, don't cheat, write down your true thoughts, and peel off the real purpose behind the thoughts layer by layer.

Regarding these thoughts, you can also refer to the answers of others, but after all, the answers of others belong to others, and everyone’s answers are different. You must find your own answers, because only the answers you find out will be Believe and act. If you think this is too difficult, then you can create a new document, or take out a page, write down your thoughts on a topic, you don’t need to pay attention to logic, don’t do anything special, just write whatever comes to your mind, Just keep writing until you don't want to, and after you're done, sort out your thoughts. The most effective part of this method is that it can write out the things that worry, fear, and pain in the heart. Once many things are clearly written, they will not be so anxious and afraid of pain. Many times, it is the kind of hidden Something vague in your mind makes you fearful, afraid, anxious.

4. do the right thing

Even if you are at a low point, you can't make life a mess. When you don't know what to do, you can start with the "certainly right" things. As for what is the right thing, seriously, everyone will be a little different, but I recommend five quick life-changing things mentioned in "Cognitive Awakening": waking up early, meditating, reading, writing, and exercising.

Regarding waking up early, sticking to waking up early can create a lot of disposable time and make a huge difference in your mental state.

Regarding meditation, meditation allows you to practice cognitive dissociation, a dialogue with yourself, and a more peaceful approach to life.

Regarding reading, Flaubert said, "If a man reads 10 books seriously enough, he becomes a saint", I believe.

Regarding writing, the main function of writing is to create information, to put feelings into words, to give oneself a chance to reflect on one's life, and to help shape inner order.

Regarding exercise, Lu Ling said, "If the body is weak, it will never develop a vigorous soul and wisdom.", I believe.

In addition to these five things, according to your personal situation, you can also make some things yourself, such as checking in at attractions, eating famous restaurants, chatting with friends, etc., and looking at these things, in fact, these things are nothing more than three categories, with yourself Connection, connection with others, connection with nature, this classification can be used to help everyone judge. But no matter what kind, you must pay attention when doing it. For example, although you are reading, if you are reading online novels, it is actually similar to short videos. Deep happiness is the result of strict self-discipline and concentration.

In the face of slumps, pay attention to life, seek answers from the outside world less, talk to yourself more, reflect on yourself, and when you don't know what to do, start with things that are "certainly right".

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